I Approve My Tax Dollars to do That: Redefine Assault

“It’s no big deal, I’m gay, I don’t want her – I was just having fun.”

Partially as a result of the buzz surrounding Amherst and its failure to properly prosecute rape, assault is a hot topic on college campuses. Then someone shared an article with me describing a new area of un-scrutinized assault: gay men inappropriately commenting on or touching women.

I want to preface this by saying I acknowledge the volatility and controversy of this subject. If you have not read my previous posts, I’m the proud daughter of a same-sex couple so I do not write this to perpetuate homophobia, especially toward gay men. I also do not intend to stereotype gay men. This was hard for me to write about, particularly because of my family structure, but something I felt compelled to comment on.

Author of the article, Gay Men’s Sexism and Women’s Bodies, Yoko Akili addresses a the trend of identifying gay men as the “experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies.” Such a position of knowledge and expertise has apparently made some gay men feel entitled and “comfortable” evaluating and manipulating women’s bodies like a piece of pottery. They consider their unsolicited criticism or touch as “benign” because they are not sexually interested.

I have a problem with this. Rather, I have a BIG problem with this. First off, it is never okay to grope someone intentionally. Gay or straight, invading someone’s personal space like that is violating and degrading. It’s time we define assault once and for all. Touching someone inappropriately, regardless of age, sexual orientation, gender, hair color, eye color, height, weight, etc, is not okay and should be prosecuted as such. Though already established in the legal books, it now needs to become equally socially unacceptable. Such practice starts in schools, teaching kids to not only report it but to intervene if they see something inappropriate. Young kids must observe older ones standing up for what’s right rather than giving into the pattern.

Secondly, there is already so much in the media and society chipping away at a women’s image about body. The last thing we need to do is add more scrutiny. I don’t understand why it’s okay for a guy to point out a woman’s “thunder thighs” or “muffin top” yet a woman can’t openly smirk at a guy’s beer belly to his face. How are women supposed to accept and praise their bodies if the group of men not even sexually attracted to them scolds them for not fitting a particular stupid mold? Speaking as someone who spent much of middle school and high school having a bad relationship with food and my body, the negativity comes from all directions. Women cannot stop it on our own. We need allies. Clearly in this case, some of the guys we have turned to be our allies have turned against us.

It's hard enough already to look in the mirror and be satisfied. Why do people have to make it harder?

Photo credit: http://eatingdisorderstreatment.com/eating-disorder-programs-miss-melissa-had-a-thought/ 

I approve my tax dollars to do that: redefine assault.